Monday November 21st 10:56 AM
Sadie’s hand griped mine as Noah helped me back to my bed, I laid down and adjusted my body to the least painful position. I quickly turned away from them and threw up in the trash can by my bed.
“Here, try this,” Sadie said putting something in my mouth, it felt cold and turned into liquid but, it went down like glass and I was choking trying to spit it out.
“What is that ?” I spat at her and shook my head,”It’s awful”
“It’s just ice chips with lemon-lime soda and strawberries,” she told me
“I’ve kind of lost a taste for everything,” I admitted
“I know,” Sadie said resting her hands on me. I wanted to shake her off and tell her to leave but, she was to nice for that and everyone knew it.
Ever since my mother had found out the truth about how badly my cancer had been acting she had been making everyone come in round the clock shifts to stay with me, not that I needed it. I was just happy to rest and be left alone. Noah and Sadie usually came during the week because Noah got the day off and Sadie only taught night classes.
I knew my older brother was uncomfortable with the whole situation so most of the caring was left to Sadie.
The only thing I hated more than their help was the fact that I needed it sometimes; I could barely make it to the bathroom without help so, going around the corner to do laundry seemed impossible. I knew Sadie was doing her best to be there but not be there at the same time.
“What hurts ?” Sadie asked rolling my socks into little balls
“My stomach is killing me, I just can’t eat right now, maybe later” I said
I wanted to be okay, and to be fine but I wasn’t and then there was the whole Slate issue.
Slate.
For once I knew what it felt like to be him because I hhad no regret for what I did to him, for telling everyone the truth about him. Chemotherapy was weighing on me more than I had ever planned. Everything hurt, I could barely stand I just felt weak and sick all the time and the minute I felt better it was time for another treatment. It was some kind of hellish cycle.
I knew Uncle Nathan had all but disowned Slate for a year so as long as I wasn’t talking about him everyone was willing to ignore it. It wasn't healthy but it was how we coped. I looked up to see Sadie was now flipping through a wedding magazine, something she didn’t do often. I hated how everyone was walking on eggshells at me. I took one of the balled up socks and threw it at her.
She looked up alarmed .
“Smile,” I told her
She let out a weak laugh
“If you keep doing this to my socks I can’t play the Legendary Where Is My Other Fucking Sock game,”
“We’re just worried, Darcy,” Noah said
“I know but, hey you guys are getting married so, how can you not be happy ?”
I saw them exchange a look
“Actually, we postponed the wedding,” Noah said, ”Until you get better. You said you may be on this stuff another few months and we want to make sure you’re okay.”
“You know this whole family is looking forward to your wedding," I reminded them " It's the first happy thing that is happening in a long time-- you can’t postpone”
“It’s already decided,” Noah said.
I caught a look in Sadie’s eye that said she wasn’t happy about this but she just looked down again. I had pretty much come up to a new name for chemotherapy.
Cancer Sucks.
