Thursday November 18th 11:45 PM
“I’m cutting you off,Slate”
I looked up at the bartender, who was looking at me dead serious.
“How do you know my name ?” I asked taking one of my dollars out of his tip jar.
“Don’t act like I haven’t taken a few fake ids from you, kid” he said
I didn’t remember.
Or at least I didn’t remember him.
I had always came to this bar because it was right underneath my dealers apartment. I was sure just about everyone in this neighborhood knew me as the guy who used to sit tweaked out in the street for 6 months.
I had come by here and walked around outside and seriously considered going back up there but, I knew better. I guess I should have been thankful the bartender cut me off. I was already out 60 dollars.
I pushed myself off the barstool, adjusted myself to gravity again and walked out the door and nearly ran into a girl trying to get in.
“Slate ?” she said, stopping me so we were standing face to face in the door way.
Damn it, was I turning into the Darcy ?
It took me a few seconds to recognize the girl as a cleaned up version of one my dealers regulars. All I remembered was she like coke and couldn't handle it.
I looked at the ring on her finger, I have no idea why my eyes went there.
“Are you engaged ?” I asked her
“Yeah,” said coke girl
“You should get tested,” I said trying to walk past her.
“I did actually,” she said,” Last week I’m clean. You should do it too,”
I rolled my eyes at her and finally getting past her walked down the street.
It was official—Emily was the only girl I infected. What are the chances ?
I looked up at the apartments above and considered how warm it would be inside.
I was sure the reason I had been so successful in not going back to drugs was because I had been working and living with Darcy and just hadn’t been exposed to those kinds of things in a month. I knew if I went to that apartment I would succumb to pressure, I knew I wasn’t that good.
I walked on the streets and considered where I could go. I had lived on the street before but I wasn’t sure if I could go back to that, I felt like I had risen above it, I wasn’t a kid anymore. My mind ran through my options but I knew at each one there would just be temptation.
Homeless Shelter ? Maybe. I walked into the nearest liquor store and brought some whiskey and poured the liquor into a Sigg water bottle I carried around and sat inside the train station. I was already drunk and I really didn’t know if I wanted to get more drunk. I knew what I wanted to do and I knew exactly where I was going next.
* * *
“No!”
“Please, c’mon,” I begged
“Do not make me call the police!” Emily shouted back
“Listen, Emily” I said leaning against the door so I wasn’t shouting, “Part of the reason I have been sober for so long is because I have been around positive influences and you are my most positive one. I’m afraid I’ll do something stupid. I’m trying to do the right thing.”
That did it.
She opened the door. Her hair wasn’t in a neat ponytail or bun , she was wearing clothes that didn’t match --she looked like she wasn’t going anywhere, like she hadn’t gone anywhere in a while.
“Thanks ,” I said
Her eyes went directly to the New Jersey Liquor bag in my hand.
“How is it going ? You look like shit,” I said setting the bags on her counter.
“Thank you, Slate” she said
I noticed she was standing in front of her television with the remote in her hand, fumbling.
“What the hell are you doing ?” I asked
"Nothing,"
“What are you hiding ?” I asked, pushing her our the way only to come face to face with 16 year old Emily.
“Are you watching, your pageant videos ?” I laughed
“Shut up,” she said going over to shut it off.
“Hey-no come on, I want to watch
too,” I said laying across her sofa.
“You’re going to make fun of it,”she said
“I promise, I won’t,” I said.
She seemed to actually enjoy that fact and moving my feet she sat next to me she turned the tape on.
I sat with her for an hour and silently watched beautiful face after beautiful face but, none of them were as beautiful as Emily. We clapped when Emily sang some overused sappy Norah Jones song and even though I knew how it ended I still cheered when she won Ms. Port Republic and promised to give part of her winnings to an intercity Girl Scout Troop.
“I want to be that girl again,” she said laying down next to me,”You know I went to some HIV dating site and the date was terrible. I hope you are happy you are right. I'll be alone.”
“Emily, I was really wrong for saying that,” I admitted and then decided to rip the band-aid,” But, I’m going to go ahead and piss you off more and tell you that Darcy was being a bitch and told everyone I have HIV. They’re pissed and that’s why I’m kind of getting away,”
“Serves you right,” she said
“I know but, you should know Mrs.Bennett was there and you know how she talks”
She just buried her head in her hand.
“How long until my family finds out ?” she asked
“I don’t know but you can always lie,” I offered
“Slate, not telling them is one thing but, lying is another.
“I’m really sorry, Emily.”
“Slate, I really wish you could
make this go away.”
We sat in silence for a few minutes until she crawled over my body and opened a drawer next to the couch.
“We’re going to watch the Little Mermaid,” she said putting a DVD in.
“What ?” I laughed
“When I was like a kid and in the pre-teen pageants I used to say she was my role model. Plus I had a huge crush on Prince Eric”
“Hell, in a world where the women don’t talk it’s my role model too,”
“You’ve seen the Little Mermaid ?”
“Hey, I have—“
“Shut up, it’s starting,” she interrupted me.
I went into Emily's kitchen and poured the Everclear and a Pepsi into my water bottle and sat back down next to Emily.
When I laid down next to her she took the Sig bottle from me and took a sip,
“Oh my god ! What the hell did you put in here ? Pain thinner” she shouted.
“No, dummy it’s Everclear.”
“Slate where did you get this ? You know it’s illegal in New York—“
“You live in Jersey,” I corrected her,”It’s my second favorite reason for coming here,”
“Is the first reason me ?” she said sarcastically.
“No, the first is a Jet’s game.” I corrected her, “Don’t get mad at me because you can’t handle real alcohol.”
Emily smirked at me and then took a long sip, even though I knew it was killing her.
Sitting there with Emily things felt right. Maybe I could still fix things. I sat quietly something I wasn’t good at and I was watching Emily watch the screen and she just seemed sad.
I was bored out of my mind -- but that was what was right sometime.
“Are you going back, tomorrow?” she asked throwing the empty sig bottle off the bed
“No,” I admitted, I knew I was stubborn,”Darcy has a right to be mad, I guess . But he did not have to do that. No, I just can’t get over it. I mean what if I kill my cousin ?”
“Don’t say that,” she said,”If something—God forbid-- happens to Darcy it’s the cancer not you. If you take that on than well-- that is more than anyone needs.”
“What about you ?” I asked, “You are taking on to much too. Like the world is going to crash because you have HIV,”
She seemed to be thinking on that, when suddenly she leaned closer and closer until finally our lips met,
I waited for her and she kissed me forcing her tounge dipper into my throar and she showed no intention of stopping.
I took her wrist and pulled her off a few inches.
“You’re drunk,” I reminded her.
“I don’t care,” she said,”And I know you don’t.”
She was right.
I didn’t.
She pulled my shirt over my head and ran her hands over my arms, sending all
sort of sensations through my body. I
held on tight to tight as she pushed her body on top of mine kissing me. Emily took my hand and led me to her room never
breaking contact. She pushed me down on
her bed and knocked all of her neatly folded laundry off the bed and on to the
ground, as I got her pants off.
I was sure this was the most inappropriate thing we had ever done but, I hadn’t been with anyone since Emily and I broke up and something told me she hadn’t either.
Yeah, this was going to be a mistake.
* * *
I heard a bell followed by a ringing that killed my ears. This could only be a hangover.
I looked to see Emily, asleep next to me underneath the covers her hair covering her face and most of the pillow—they never look as hot in the morning.
“Emily, your door,” I told her.
She woke up slowly her eyes blinking to adjust to the lights-- I guess and then she looked over and saw me for the first time.
“Shit,” she said as the door bell rang again. She rolled out of bed naked and pulled on a robe and started looking through the laundry pile on the floor.
“Where is the string to this robe?” she said to herself and then turned to me, “Hide, I mean it.”
I walked out of the room while she struggled to put an outfit together and looked through the eyehole to see something pretty shocking. The last thing I expected to see. I opened the lock
“Slate, stop don’t you dare!” she shouted from her bedroom as I opened the door.
“SLATE-“ she shouted but stopped when she saw who it was.
“You didn’t tell me you were doing one of Darcy’s friends too” I laughed
“Uh, no-nothing like that,” Elias said, “I’ll come back I—“
“No, stay it’s fine,” Emily said coming out of her bedroom wearing my shirt, “Elias right ?”
“Yeah, I’m sorry I heard you worked in social work and I had a question I would have called but I—“
“Not, it’s fine,” Emily said adjusting the string on her pajama pants.
I followed them as they sat down and Elias started in on some story about finding his parents , I’m sure I would have been more aware of what was going on if I knew what Huntington’s Disease actually was.
“Why didn’t you talk to Darcy ?” I asked, “I’m sure they would have invited you to breakfast.”
“We’re not talking anymore,” Elias said and recounted to me about their little bitchfest.
“So, what—Nick and Darcy have a fit and now none of you idiots are friends ?”
“It makes sense,” Elias told me unconvincingly “I mean we will all just get hurt in the end, what’s the point.”
I actually could not argue with that kind of logic.
“Back to the point,” Emily said, “I think you should go and see your dad, you have every right to and you are not obligated to tell him you are his son. It will probably be good for you and him. Call ahead and see what comes of it. I’ll get you some coffee”
I watched Emily walk into the kitchen and then turned to Elias
“I don’t understand why you want to know your family. They obviously gave up on you-- I mean what if they have some other kids or something and they want to be friends ?”
“I wouldn’t mind meeting them,” he responded, “You know how it can be lonely being an only child,”
“You think he’s an only child,” Emily laughed bringing out two paper cups of coffee and handing one to Elias, “Slate has 2 half sisters”
“Oh, I guess-“ Elias started
“Right because I’m such a self-centered ass,”
“Well, I won’t impose,” Elias said “ I just wanted to make sure, I wasn't crazy-- I have to get to work”
“No, it’s fine.” Emily said and gave him a card from her purse,”If you need anything call me or come by I mean you live right upstairs. I want to know how it goes,”
“Thanks,” he said as she walked him to the door with his coffee.
Elias walked out seeming a bit more at peace.
“We make a good team,” I said taking a sip of her coffee.
“You mean where you chastised him and I gave good advice,”
“Well, I hate that guy,” I told her
“I don’t see why, you guys could both be best friends,” she retorted
“Yeah, right.”
“Well, you are like the same person, you both are childlike in an enduring way with the whole comic books thing, you are both afraid to confront that you have a serious medical condition your family's both kind of gave up on you—“
“Both of our names have 4 letters, holy shit we should get married,” I interrupted
“You know I’m right,” she said knowingly.
“What is with that anyway, Emily ?” I asked her, “Why do you always have to give be right, give good advice, I mean do you ever think of yourself ? Are you ever selfish ? ,”
“I’m selfish when I’m with you. I mean I called in sick today,” she said, “And I hate you for this but, I also love hate sex with you and if you are my only option I’m okay with it,”
“I don’t really follow you but, it sounds like were going to fuck, so I’m fine with it,”
I could deal with the physical for now, I will figure out getting her to love me later.
