Thursday November 18 3:12 PM

I was so tired and the weird feeling of the heat coming from inside my body from biking all day and the blistering cold of New York City winter was always a paradox I couldn’t quite figure out.

All I want to do was go inside; make some coffee and sleep the rest of the day away.

 I really hope Darcy bought some coffee.

What am I saying ? I knew he hadn’t.

 Darcy had been practically detached from everyone around him lately. All he told me was he was taking  his recent chemo treatments twice a week and he didn’t want anyone to worry so I was  constantly lying for him. I was even lying to the family.

When did we switch places ?

I finally made it into the heated apartment but,  never got to the coffee part because I opened the door to see what looked like a wake.

The entire family seemed to be there.

Aunt Nina and  Uncle Constantino where sitting on the couch looking through some papers, a big gap between them. Lila was in the kitchen with her Ipod doing a terrible job of  pretending to read a book.

And of course Noahandsadie—who were always together so much they may as well be one person—were folding clothes  on the floor. It was a little odd but, I knew they would all come here one day. What was really strange was the fact that sitting next to Aunt Nina was Mrs. Bennett or as she liked me to call her, Sara.

My stepmother.

Despite the fact I barely remembered my Dad ever being married to my mother, I still always thought the reason Sara married him was because she like the idea of being on my father's shoulder whenever he won anything, she just wanted to be Mrs. Nathaniel Bennett. I think the reason I started thinking this when I realized she was nearly a decade younger than my dad and it seemed like her goal in life was for everyone to look like they were ready to be filmed by the paparazzi.  Like right now she was wearing a suit and heels even though she bull shitted most of the day. Sara didn't actually have a job except for planning the occasional fundraiser-- I knew she called herself a stay at home mom but she had pretty much failed at that with me.

Anyway, she hardly left Port Republic and I knew it was too early for another intervention.

“Who died ?” I asked

“That’s not funny, Slate” Noah said.

Aunt Nina got off the couch, walked up to me and slapped hard me across my mouth, her nails practically scratching my lip.

For a second I thought something actually happened but, I pushed it out of my mind. If something had happened they would all be a lot worse off than this.

“Sorry,” I said and the finally addressed Aunt Nina “Now, what did I do to deserve that again ?”

“Why didn’t you tell me Darcy was doing so bad  all this time?,” she said, she looked like she was going to cry but something tells me she was all out of tears ”I got worried and we all came over here. How could you keep this a secret ?”

If there was one thing I knew about Aunt Nina it was that she was so maternal towards any and everything-- she just had to be mothering all the time. But, she was also a mother bear and I am sure she would kill a man before letting something happen to one of her kids.

I had also learned she doesn’t take any bullshit very early on.

“He didn’t want me too,” I admitted, “ Damnit, Aunt Nina you scared me. You’re acting  like he died.,”

“No,” Darcy said coming out from his bedroom and taking a seat in the recliner closest to him. “But, I am dying”,

I hated seeing my cousin like this. His hair had recently all fallen out and with all the treatments were starting to take a toll.

“Darcy, don’t talk like that,” Uncle Constantine said,(although Constantine was like an Italian bull-- everything that guy said sounded like an order) ”You’ll be okay,”

“You will be okay, Darcy we all know that” I said,” So, I get why your sunshine family is here but, I don’t understand why my mommy is here,”

Sara seemed annoyed at my pointing her out. If there was anyone left in this family I could still get to it was her. Even though she had been married to my dad since I was a baby and been apart of this family --she still wasn’t as tough as most of the Bennetts.

“I was just helping Sadie and Noah make reservations at the hotel,” she explained “Not that this is the time but, your father misses you. We want you to come home every now and then”

Whatever. At this point I was just glad this wasn’t another intervention. I had acknowledged everyone in the room, who I cared to so I headed for my room to wait this out.

“The doctors have been uping my treatment, Slate” Darcy said, causing me to stop in my tracks. Darcy never talked to me about his treatment. “ But, the cancer cells  are spreading everywhere, it’s in my bone marrow and digestive system and the chemotherapy is just barely getting it out of my digestive system,”

I suddenly felt a point coming on. I turned on my heels to face him

“Darcy,” I warned him

“I am in pain Slate. All the time,” he breathed “I need a bone marrow transplant to ever be able to live normally, I hate this and it is  all your god damn fault,”

“Darcy, you can’t blame Slate,” Noah said, I know it killed him he couldn’t be there for his little bother “None of us were a match,”

“Slate is a match,” Darcy said standing up.

Darcy should have known I don’t really take regret or feelings very well. My body reacted before my mind caught up and I was holding his arms tightly. It was so stupid, I hadn’t expected the bruises I saw forming, I immediately let go.

“Shut up, Darcy,” I said to him.

Darcy backed one step away from me  and then took a swing at me. I defended myself, before I could think of what  I was doing  we were already fighting. He had knocked me to the ground and I was trying to defend myself without actually hitting him.  I felt Uncle Constantine and Noah come over to break us up--of course they didn’t lay a hand on  Darcy, they just pulled me away from him.

 I knew this was scaring the crap out of Lila and Mrs. Bennett most likely.

“Are you kidding me Slate ?,” Aunt Nina shouted coming close to my face  “Are you boys really doing this now ?!”

“Slate is HIV positive,” Darcy said and suddenly everyone in the room wasn’t looking at me but turning to Darcy.  "He can’t give me his marrow  without killing me and now I am suffering because of it. I tried to act okay but, I’m not. I want my life back, I’ve always been there for you, cousin ; paid rent,  defended you, lied for you. And the one time, I  fucking need you, you screw me over. How can I not be pissed. I might die because of you.”

Dammit, Darcy.

Why did you have to say that ?

I felt Constantine and Noah let go of men and I pulled away from them. I could see the looks of disappointments on their faces. I saw Lila had her hands over her face.

Did he really have to do this now. How screwed up was it that all I felt was anger ?

I left my bike and just headed out the door and down the street on foot.

“DAMN IT !” I shouted into the air.

I was so pissed at Darcy.

This was the one holiday in 8  years I was trying not to screw up and he had to go and ruin it by not acting like a freak for a day.

By being human, by getting angry for once.

And with Mrs.Bennett being there, I knew my dad was going to know about this within minutes. Which means he is going to call my mother and then everyone will know what a screw up I still am.

I felt cold air blow on to my face and my body was shivering.

Damn, it was cold out here.