Thursday November 20th 4:56 PM
I know that behind our backs Slate thinks it’s funny to call us Darcy’ s puppets because we followed Darcy around a lot and really trusted him. It’s stupid-- but maybe Slate was right. I mean every time I was in Manhattan for a doctors appointment or something I always went to Bennett’s thinking I might see him. I liked being around Darcy-- he had this infectious tranquility.
Which made the first time having a radiation session without him hard. But, I knew Darcy was busy with work and had been kind of AWOL recently. It wasn’t too unusual with our living arrangements and busy lives. I had gone weeks without seeing Elias or Darcy in the past. Except this was the one time I really needed them to talk to.
I sat in Dr. Merritt’s office feeling a little headache and a bit of nausea but overall it was not as bad as the first time. I looked over Dr. Merritts desk at the diplomas hanging on her wall from Johns Hopkins.
Was I ever going to get one of those at this rate ?
I let the though pass as Dr. Merritt came in and sat across from me with pictures of my brain in her hand.
“Are you doing okay ?” she asked
I nodded my head
“Well, smile Nicholas I have good news,”
I had to laugh it off, I had to stop wearing my feelings on my face.
“Nicholas, the radiation is doing really well, the tumor is shrinking” she explained holding up to MRI scans to the light, “ I think 1 or 2 more sessions and you should be good enough for us to take a break and I bet this will go into remission on it’s own,”
Any negative feelings I had suddenly flew out of me, I could have got up hugged her but, I was feeling weak.
Who says cancer has to be scary ?
Although secretly, I was sure it had to do with the fact mother was constantly praying for me. I couldn’t wait to go home and tell her, I knew she hated seeing me in such bad shape. I knew we were going to be okay.
I took the usual instructions from the doctor before heading out into the crowded street. I turned my phone on to see I had 2 missed calls one being from Elias. I immediately hit the call button.
“Hey Eli, oh my god this is crazy,-- I got some awesome news,” I said
“Oh, what’s up ?” he said with fake
enthusiasm that was so unlike Elias. It was almost Slate-like.
“Are you okay, Elias ?”
“Yeah,” he said “Hey, where are you ?”
“At the cancer center, I just walked out”
“Stay there, I’m coming for you,” he said and hung up.
It was kind an odd statement coming from Elias, but I was eating my words minutes later when I saw Elias pull up in a shiny red 2 door car.
“You have a car !” I said, getting in his passenger side. Holy crap, it has leather seats,” Tell me this is a rental.”
“I had to get my family history,” he explained,” They live in rural New Jersey, I was desperate,”
“Elias, this is the coolest thing you have ever done,” I said as Elias carefully put on his blinker to merge back into traffic. It was kind of funny to watch the reflection of the road in his glasses
“How was it ?” I asked, “How was your family ?”
“I met my cousin and get this my dad is still alive I don’t know if I should go see him.”
“Why wouldn’t you ?” I asked
“I looked at the address . . . he’s in a hospice,” Elias said
“What did Darcy say?” I asked
“I haven’t told him, you know how busy Darcy is so I decided not to bother him,”
“Elias I think you should do it,”
“Maybe,”
I have to admit Eli’s car was cleaner, nicer and way more fun than the subway but honestly between the Manhattan traffic, it was no faster. We were pulling into my neighborhood when I suddenly remembered my good news.
“Eli, you won’t believe it, Dr. Merritt, said within a month, my cancer could be gone . . . I could go into remission,”
“That’s amazing, Nick,” he said, pulling into my driveway “I am genuinely happy for you,”
I knew he was, Eli was to good of a friend not to be but, to prove it Elias reached over and gave me a half hug very un-Elias like.
“Give me a real hug !” I laughed putting both of my arms around him and pushing him into a bear hug.
“Nicholas ?” He asked
“What ?”
“Who’s that in your driveway ?”
“What do you mean—“
I suddenly looked up to see a NYPD police car was in my drive way and an all to familiar beige Ford Malibu with an obnoxious ‘In case of rapture this car will be unmanned’ bumper sticker.
I shot out of Elias’s car, ignoring how tired I was feeling and was barely at the door when I saw Killan walking out of the house holding a suitcase. Behind him was Mrs. Hill, mother and a policeman.
“What the hell is going on ?!” I shouted at Killan blocking his path, “What are you doing here ?”
I saw my mother flinch at my using hell.
“ You left mother alone again and she leftthe house and got lost and couldn’t get home and called the police,” He explained in a pseudo-calm voice like he was talking to a child , “They called me and I came over. Mother is coming home with me, until we make arrangements at a very nice facility.,”
The way he said nice made me want to spit in his face
“No,” I said, ”Killan, please”
I hated begging
“Nick, this isn’t safe. It’s for mothers own good, she could have been killed. Where were you ?” he asked ,”And who is that ?”
He was pointing at Elias who was standing beside the car, trying to figure out how to help, not be acknowledged and be concerned at the same time.
“I was at radiation---Mother hates going there—he is my friend he picked me up,” I explained
“ So you left mother alone so you could go on a date ?” Killan asked folding his arms
“No,” I shouted at him, “Please, Killan you can’t just do this.”
“Nicholas, I found this in the mail,” he said, handing me an opened envelope from school.
“You opened my mail,” I said throwing it to the side. I knew what it said.
“Nicholas, you lost your scholarship, you’re failing out, you need to concentrate on school,”
“It’s just a bad semester,” I defended, "Killan you know mom has always said she wants to stay with me in the house that Dad got them. Please—“
“Nicky, it’s time to grow up.” He responded
I ran over to my mother
“Mother, tell them, please,” I said holding her tight “Do you want to go to some nursing home with old people or stay in the house—our house with me,”
To my surprise my mother pushed away from my embrace and looked at me like a stranger.
“I’m sorry,” she said,” I don’t think I know you,”
I felt my heart hit the ground. My mother had always had short term memory problems that were just minor issues, but she always knew who I was.
“Mom, it’s me Nicholas . . . I just don’t have any hair you remember me,” I cried
“No, I’m sorry,” she said,”I don’t know you,”
“No, No, No it’s me,” I kept
repeating, I have no idea why—I had no idea what was happening. How can this
happen to someone ?
Ever since Dad died mother and I had grown closer and she was the only one besides my friends who knew and understood everything. She held me when I had my first surgery, we agreed to stay in the house together because we thought it was what Dad would have wanted. What did it mean if she didn’t remember any of this ?
I could see through my tears, mother seemed genuinely upset about not knowing me. I let my arms fall away from her and Mrs. Hill escorted my mom inside Killan’s car. I collapsed on to the front porch, sitting on the front step and Killan took a seat beside me.
“Nicky, you have been really strong, but, it’s done now. This is in everybody’s best interest,” he said, putting a hand on my shoulder like he was Dad or something ”You can’t handle this, you need to get your education and get better. She is only going to get worse and it’s going to destroy you”
I pushed his arm away
“Shut up,” I said,
“Nick, mom is coming upstate with me—it will be good for Marie to see her grandmother, anyway. Do you want me to stay with you ?” He asked
“No,” I said, “I want you to go to hell and I mean it,”
I ran back to Elias’s car
“Let’s go anywhere,” I told Elias
I couldn’t be alone in that house.
Not yet.
