Slate had a choice, he always had a choice. Uncle Nate and Aunt Sara gave him everything and supported him as long as they could-- they had always offered him home, if he wanted it. He could do drugs. Fine, But, He didn’t have to be a drug addict.

This was his fault.  

I wanted to be alone more than anything. I couldn’t be with my family anymore because I knew within minutes they were going to make excuses for him and I refuse to do that anymore.

I had just coaxed my family into leaving and was headed to bed when I heard the doorbell.

 I knew it wasn’t that easy.

I opened the door to a site I could not turn away from.

Elias and Nick. And Nick was in tears.

Looks like, it wasn’t going good for any of us.

“Nick, what’s wrong  ?” I asked,” Come in guys,”

“What isn’t ?” he said, “But wait--Darcy we haven’t seen you are you okay ? You look like crap.”

I breathed and realized my secrets wouldn’t hold for much long. I told them the truth; I was dying. This thing was killing me and then I told them about what happened with Slate.

And in turn Nick told me about his mom and about school. There was this odd silence after he finished, I’m sure they were waiting for me to say something.

“Nick ? ” I said

“Yeah, Darcy “ he responded

“I think your brother is right,”

I readied myself for his reaction

“Why  do you think that, Darcy ?” He asked quietly.

”Nick, I know you love your mother but, seeing her like that will kill you. If she was anything like you told me she was she wouldn’t want this for you,”

“You talk like she is dead,” he said

“I agree,” Elias said. I was sure he always did but was just waiting for confirmation, “The facility is really nice, isn’t it ?  She has friends there from her art class and Nick, the Alzheimer’s is only going to get worse. It’s a degenerative condition,”

I loved to tell Nicky what he wanted to hear and I knew telling something he didn't want to hear  was killing him.

“Do you know what else is a degenerative condition ?” Nick said, “Huntington’s. I’ve changed my mind. Maybe you shouldn’t see your dad then. He will be really bad off and do you want to see what you will be in a few years ?”

“It’s not the same,” Elias said

“Elias, your dad ? You found him ?”

He nodded his head

“He’s in a hospice,” Elias explained

“Elias, I don’t think you want to see that,” I said “I agree with Nick, then”

“Don’t agree with me,” Nick said, getting angry “You are wrong Darcy. You are wrong about my mom and about Slate and—“

“How am I wrong about Slate  ?” I yelled, surprised by my tone “You don’t know the shit he drags this family through,”

“I guess I come from a place where we don’t abandon family,” He said

“He has abandoned us,” I clarified

“He tries, he is sick too—“

“Damn you, Nicholas you are only saying this because you like him,”

“What are you  talking about, Darcy ?”

Was he really going to play dumb.

“Slate will never love you, I know you have a crush on him. It’s pathetic.”

“Screw you Darcy,” Nicholas said,“You know what else you were wrong about ? All of us. Maybe being friends was a mistake.”

“What are you talking about ?” I asked

“He is right,” Elias said, “In 10 years, I may not recognize either of you guys. Darcy you are dying while Nick is about to go into remission. And if you get better what does it mean if you guys get better when I never will ? I mean Nicholas can you really deal with me forgetting you too ? Knowing each other is only hurting us.”

Elias had a point. It just seemed so unfair, I could be a good guy but-- how good can I be when I see that Nick gets to get on with his life and I don’t. I’d tried carrying Slate’s burdens and it hadn’t helped me.

“I see your point,” I said,” I don’t need you guys here right now and in case I don’t wake up tomorrow, I don’t want you at my funeral either,”

“ I thought we were friends and I have supported every stupid thing you guys have done but, if you can’t support me then I don’t want to be here,” Elias said,"I mean really what is the point, if I will just forget you ?"

Elias got up from off the couch and walked out the door while Nick and I watched.

“Go to hell,Darcy,” Nick said walking out behind him.

The door had barley shut before I was trying to figure out exactly what the hell just happened. No, things are better this way we were only hurting each other in the end

I always thought that together we could lift each other up but,  maybe  in reality we were just bringing each other down.