Tuesday November 21 3:32 PM

I was completely done.

It’s official

I was a failure.

I looked at the letter in my hands and couldn’t believe it. I had lost my scholarship. I kept re-reading the paper as if to punish myself for what I had done. I just had to finish out the semester and figure out what I was going to do next. I guess I could get a grant or take out more loans.

I  sat on my bed and tears immediately began to fall. I wonder if it counts as crying if no one else is around to see it ? I could see the reflection in the mirror of the light from my phone blinking. I knew I should have turned it off before I threw it in the bottom drawer.  I was still angry and I knew it was Killan calling me, I knew he wanted to apologize or something but, I don’t care about. Maybe I was being stubborn but, I had a right.

Or atleast I think I do.

I slipped some of the pain medications the doctors had given me when I left radiation this morning even though I was sure they didn’t help with this kind of pain. I laid down in my bed prepared to sleep the day away when I felt something hard on my neck.

I turned around to see a Beanie Baby puppy staring at me. I pushed it off the  bed and thinking for a minute picked him back up and placed him in the corner of my room.

Next to the trash can.

I proceeded to put all of his other friends off my bed and in the corner to join him. I guess I had to grow up and be independent  now. I’m not a kid anymore.

 I looked at the motley crew of stuffed animals against the wall and realized one was missing. I looked under my bed and found the blue Care Bear and put him in the corner, Yankees cap and all and just stared at them.

I was angry at my dad.

  He left and this entire family fell apart.