Thursday November 18th 9:30 PM
“I mean , I kind of dressed up for Halloween but, it was all in fun, it was my first time” I admitted trying not to let my eyes wonder to a clock.
“That’s cool but, you should totally come out and help. You don’t have to dress up or anything,” he smiled.
He seemed nice. So nice; he had a sweet smile and the kindest eyes.
Mason O’Connor was someone I had seen for the last 2 years but had never really known. He was the classic Brooklyn transplant--artsy, androgynous at best, his eyes lined with black and the tips of his dark hair dyed blue probably with some kind of specialty expensive organic dye. He was wearing a bright green BROOKLYN graphic shirt embellished with metal pieces with bleach damaged black pants.
After dealing with Darcy and Killan I wasn’t ready to go home yet but I wasn’t about to turn around and apologize to either of them. I went the only place I knew would still be filled with people this time and that was Brooklyn College.
I walked to the Student Union, a place I never went to at all. I never had time to hang out with work, mother and my doctors appointments. I was sitting in one of the chairs watching students go by—sipping on a crappy smoothie when I remembered a boy from my ethics class, Mason invited me to some LGBT Club meeting, he had started. He had seen the rainbow flag sticker on my binder.
I went to workroom B to see their meeting had just barely started. I had listened quietly as they discussed the Drag Christmas Ball Fundraiser they were throwing. After the meeting everyone had kind of slipped away but, I still wasn’t ready to go back to my house. Mason saw me sitting in the hall by myself after the meeting and must have taken pity on me.
He started talking on me.
“Are you going back to the dorms, now ?” he asked
“I don’t live on campus,” I told him “I just,--I’m not ready to go home,”
“Oh,” he said,” Do you want to go get a drink ?”
“No,” I said, “I mean actually—yes“
I always said no to these types of things because I could never do it-- I hated leaving mother alone but, I realized now I had nothing but time ahead of me.
We went out and down the block away from campus to a
restaurant/bar called R Bar. I hadn’t
worked in a long time and I wasn’t sure If I could afford it but, I figured
what is one beer ? We sat down together at the bar and our knees touched.
Wait—was this a date ?
I hadn’t been on a date in years which was saying a lot seeing as I was only 21. I sipped on my drink and tried to think of an interesting conversation topic.
“So, how did you parents react when you told them ?” he
asked me,"I mean that you were gay."
“Well, I didn’t really come to terms—I guess until I was a teenager and my dad died before I came out—“
“I’m so sorry,”
“Thanks,” I said,”Anyway--I told my mom and she told the rest of the family over time. I was scared because were catholic but she understood--she said I was still perfect and maybe this was how God wanted me.”
“Are you okay ? You’re crying,”
“Sorry,” I said wiping the tear I hadn't even felt off my cheek, “My mom has early onset Alzheimer’s and my older brother just came and took her away and I just realized she probably doesn’t remember that,”
I knew I was making him feel uncomfortable.
“Sorry, that was too much,” I said
“No, it’s okay,” he said
“I should go home. Face my demons,” I said, “Thanks Mason—I really liked doing this, I don’t go out often.”
“Feel free to call me,” he said, “If you need a friend,”
I nodded my head, hugged him and headed for the bus stop.
I hate when Darcy is right.
Here is a guy who was nice, sweet and actually gay and I couldn’t concentrate on him for two seconds for so many reasons.
Why is it that when you find the perfect person, there is only one like them ? I mean Mason seemed interested in me and didn’t care about me crying in front of me. Who cries on a first date ?
Not that that was a date, anyway.
When the bus got to my stop it was freezing so, I ran as fast as I could into my neighborhood and headed inside the house.
“Hey mother,” I called going into the basement “I know I’m late I met this guy and—“
I stopped short when I remembered she wasn’t here. I quickly headed out of the basement and up to the kitchen.
This was the first time in 21 years I had come to the house alone. I looked at the house phone to see 21 messages. I quickly punched in the code.
“Nicholas, I know you are upset with me for taking moth--
Delete
“Nick, Killan told me I think—
Delete
I was sure the rest were from my family, Killan proably told them I was in the house alone.
I deleted all the
messages and turned all the lights on in
the house along with the television and the
radio. I laid down on the couch but it still seemed to quiet.
I hate Elias for being weak.
I hate Killan for taking control.
I hate Darcy blaming Slate for his problems.
I mean if we all followed Darcy’s line of thinking I would blame my dad for what was happening to us now. No, he didn’t want to leave us and even if he hadn’t who is to say he would have stayed around for Mother.
What am I thinking ?
Of course he would.
I was 13 when dad died. I was at that age where I was being a brat and jerk for no good reason. Dad liked for us to memorize one Bible verse every week, even a really short one that was 6 words. He had done it since we were 8 and for some reason there was one morning when I didn’t want to do it. I told him that I thought it was stupid and he grounded me for the weekend. I told my dad I hated him and then when I come home from school there is mother with the phone in her hand, staring at it.
The memory was only so vivid because that was the same story mother always told, the place she always went back to. The doctor told me I shouldn’t correct her but listen politely but, it was hard sometimes.
I went up to my room and laid down in my bed and tried not to be affected by the loneliness.
I had finally fought cancer so, why did I feel like I was fighting everyone else ?
